Never try to Garry Busey a film project. it doesn't work at 12:34 AM

It's a real kick in ones balls to have to admit you failed. There have been a lot of times that things in the end just kinda work out for me when they really should not of and there have been plenty of times that I've succeeded beyond my wildest dreams, and there have  been other times like this where i have failed. As a student film maker studying to become a full time film maker its not marks that bother me its my reputation as a film maker as represented through my creative projects. My demo reel is my resume in this industry and when you complete a project and nothing can go in. Its a real kick in the balls.

As many of you know I was selected to helm one of my senior level production courses projects. It has finally came together and it has not stepped up to the bar I set for it at the beginning of the project and unfortunately the buck stops with me. I failed this time.

Several of the shots are not complete or have errors in them including focusing problems, equipment in shot and just general the look of the film could be a lot better. I have lost the confidence of several of the crew members whom are not just my classmates and crew but are close friends who inspire me and push me to become better. 

Most importantly I failed to organize. My production was a mess and I was the most unorganized out of any of the groups. If it had not been for several of the crew doing some of my jobs for me nothing would of even been filmed. My pre production and post production were in shambles and although I could choose to blame others im not going to do that. My crew were excellent and the problems could of been solved or avoided if i had corrected them... and I didn't. Time management is obviously not my strong suit

Some people think film making is easy but it really isnt. Everything single detail you see on tv in a film or media has to be planned out beyond belief. I failed to take the story in my head and accurately share it with my team. Somethings worked and some didn't we met challenges and didn't meet some. With every mounting problem its been a kick in the teeth for me and now i sit on the eve of completion battered and bloody in the mud.

 I have failed my crew who believed in me and spent their time fixing my mistakes or doing my jobs for me. My prof for giving me the project lead and giving me all the equipment I could want. I failed the actors who were unpaid and spent hours and hours waiting on my delays.But most importantly I failed myself. There were several times when I saw disaster strike and stood deer in the headlights doing nothing, relying on others, forcing the pressure on others. The job of a Director is to deal with the problems to inspire everyone else and to create a masterpiece. I failed at my job as a Director.

However for every problem I failed at I now know that I wont fail again. I will plan locations better. I will plan shots better. I will have better timelines. I will organize transportation better. I will plan better. I will be better. Its only at your very bottom that you can turn your life around. This is my only opportunity to turn my film career around to become the creative artist I know I can be. We fall down so we can pick ourselves up. Tomorrow after I submit the Sound of Yellow I will be happy to be finished with it. I will hold my head high and begin to plan my next film.